I started composing this in mid-December to explain to myself why I stopped writing.
- emotional exhaustion and just exhaustion. It’s all I can do to get up, which is later and later each day. Writing in the journal helps and is something I do anticipate, once I’m over the pain of actually getting out of bed. And it seems to be enough at this point. Beyond that, life is just mechanical. Lost interest in my current research project. What’s left? ‘
- Trying to take a walk, do laundry, avoid stressful thoughts that have me spiraling down some black hole.
- Consumed by reading and responding to email makes for a loathsome time.
- Avoid thinking about people with serious illnesses.
- Try to celebrate the good things. A big donation to the James Family docu fund. The dry ice tucked into the corner of the plate of sashimi. The shock of seeing forsythia in bloom in Cromwell.
- Aim to live the advice that Chaplin Dennis McCann posted: “Do not let other people’s actions destroy your inner peace.” My inner peace has gone utterly missing. Worse, the usual books and Sudoku hold little appeal.
That was day one of my struggle to sort things out.