Cat Rules, Part II

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It’s Friday, and I’m struggling with various and sundry, so here’s the next part of cats rule, I mean cat rules.

  • Walking: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
  • Bedtime: Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move. [My addition: Or curl up next to the human so that s/he winds up with the smallest area of the bed and then stretch out full length perpendicular to the human to occupy as much space as possible.]
  • Play: This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are  several favorite games that you can play. It is important, though, to maintain one’s Dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say “I MEANT to do that!” It fools humans every time.
  • Cat Games
    • Catch Mouse: The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to taste the Bed Mouse!
    • King of the Hill: This game must be played with at least one other cat. The more, the merrier! One or both of the sleeping humans is Hill 303, which must be defended at all costs from the other cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development of unusual tactics as one must take the unstable playing theater into account.

WARNING: Playing either of these games to excess will result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from the bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them. This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again. If one happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat wins the round of King of the Hill.

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